Picking up where we left off

Several of my friends from different terms at L'Abri found their way to Dallas last week. I was out on the town all week long having little L'Abri-like conversations about life and relationships and spirituality and sex and Obama and experiencing the 4th of July in Texas... It was wonderful. Chris called the night before, Curtis didn't call at all; Emily and Erin made plans months in advance, John a week in advance. I took them to some of my old favorites: restaurants and pubs, book stores and museums; and they helped me discover new things: Thanks to Curtis's I-phone, we discovered this really cool movie theater off of Inwood where we watched Up and belly-laughed and teared up and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.





I rode the trolley down town for the first time! We hopped on in front of the Dallas Museum of Art after long-overdue, stimulating conversation about art, and rode it (for free!) until we saw a point of interest to get a cool drink and relax. I rediscovered The Sixth Floor Museum with Erin. I hadn't been there since I was a kid, and I very much enjoyed experiencing it as an adult. It's still an eerie experience, and one that makes me well up; but this visit was even more emotional because of the many similarities between Jack and Barack: during one of the short films in the museum, I leaned over and commented to Erin, "Sound familiar?" She nodded with a knowing and equally appreciative expression. We enjoyed The Crooked Tree Coffee House, free (and very good) jazz, and Pulitzer prize-winning A Chorus Line. I was even able to parallel park downtown---it was a magical affair.


I am thankful for these friends, their conversation, their love, generosity, and like-mindedness, their laughter, and their ability to simply pick up where we left off. I have the next few weeks free too if anyone else would like to swing by D-town. I'm just sayn'. :)

New Moon Rising

Change is on the horizon. I'm back at home in Plano, Texas trying to adjust to life back State-side. Just before logging on to write this, I glanced out the window and noticed the mailman pulling up to our mailbox. I rushed outside to receive the mail from him personally because I am that starved for human interaction. It's odd. Usually after travelling for so long I welcome a little alone time, but this was the first plane ride in a long time where the person next to me didn't want to talk my ear off -- the teenage girls from northern Ireland were more than happy to sleep and watch movies and listen to music, and only asked me twice on a 10-hour flight to be let out for the WC. At any rate, it's just me and Dad at the house right now, which I love! I miss Mom (she'll be in Mexico City for the next week or so), but having Dad all to myself for a while is nice. We had brunch together this morning at this great, hole-in-the-wall cafe near our house. As we were driving there, though we could have walked (so what if it's a humid 88 degrees at 11AM), I became a bit depressed by all the bland buildings and flat, cement-laden landscape.

I've decided to try and go the the park in our neighborhood on a regular if not daily basis to read and think and pray, to be alone and quiet in a relatively nice-looking environment. The less driving I do, the better, not only for gas prices and environmental well-being, but for daily recreation and exercise since I no longer have to walk up and down the mountain side to get anywhere. I checked the garage to see if we have any bicycles in the house, but we don't; so it's my rollerblades from college until I can try and find a family member or church friend who might lend me a bike they're not using.

I applied online for a job at the Allen public library today. I wonder how long it would take to ride a bike there (just the next town over), a good chunk of time I reckon. I've always thought working in a library would be something I'd enjoy, and I might be able to study for the GRE while I'm on the clock, because hunting for PHD programs is next on the list after jobs. Even if not, I'll already be at the library, so it'll be easy to stay there and study. I will probably also apply at the city rec center down the street for the water aerobics instructor. Notice how I'm going for these 'two-for-one' opportunities; working out for a living is a tough job, but someone's got to do it. I will also place adds in local papers and such for students in need of an English tutor. (PS. Can I just say that I hate resumes? I'm not sure what it is about them, just that they're so impersonal I suppose.)

Well, as I said, there's lots of change on the horizon as I take this time to re-orient and re-order my life a bit. And though it's good change, it's unnerving; it's unpredictable and uncertain; it's taking a risk and it's stepping towards my future in a more narrow way than ever before. So as a symbol of change and the uncertainty of night (by which I mean my path is less brightly illuminated), here are a few pics of the moon from my last few nights in the Swiss Alps.

Day of Prayer

Each Monday at each L'Abri branch across the globe is set apart for prayer. Normally at Swiss L'Abri we take a few hours after breakfast: the workers rotate hosting the prayer morning, beginning our time together by reading a chapter or two from a book which sometimes concerns prayer, but not always. This reading is to encourage reflection and often shows up in my prayers later that afternoon. After the reading, we present our requests to one another and then pray for one another, for our families at home, for the needs of L'Abri, for the church, and for the world. Lunch discussions on Mondays often revolve around prayer: What is prayer; what does it consist of? Does it work? How do we pray? Why do we pray? Shouldn't we pray for more 'spiritual' matters than physical concerns? How does one's view of God's providence affect how we pray?

This past Monday we had a special day of prayer and fasting because our financial situation has been desperate all summer. We went through the morning almost as usual, then we cancelled all morning work crews, fasted lunch, and reconvened at quarter to four to close in prayer together. The morning went really well for me; it was eye-opening; it felt productive, though that word doesn't posses the right feeling because my prayer and study was more listening than doing, if that makes any sense. It was cool to intersperse prayer with study because what I was reading would sneak its way into my prayers, particularly into my confession. From what I could tell, the morning went this way for much of the community also.

L'Abri has, from the beginning, chosen this manner of dependence for her financial needs, and functions on a month-to-month basis. With the money that comes in, we pay our bills first, and then the workers' salaries, which means some months the staff take pay-cuts, some months they don't get paid at all. From what I gather, this summer has been one of those seasons of pay-cuts and wageless months. Our donations come almost entirely in US dollars, and as you all are no doubt well aware, the dollar isn't fairing too well and continues to decline. What that means for us is that when a donor gives the same dollar amount each month, let's say $50, the buying power of that $50 is weaker; the bill we once could pay in full with a favorable exchange rate, we can no longer pay in full, eventhough the gift is quite possibly a more strenuous sacrifice for the donor than it once was. Everything in Switzerland is expensive, and with 40-plus people constantly living in one community, energy bills are outrageous though we strive to be conscientious conservers. I say all this to say, when you think about me, think about L'Abri; when you pray for me, pray for L'Abri, on Mondays and any day.

Cold, Wet & Rainy

Switzerland must have forgotten that it is summer. For weeks the weather has been drab. The sun only appears for brief moments before retreating again behind the clouds. At least today we can see the mountains. I was beginning to forget they were there. Nonetheless, there is something about the rain that is beautiful, something about the fog and the mist that's magical. The lack of sunshine has been opportune for reading and reflection and picture-taking.

Here's a few glimpses of the fairy-song of nature. I hope you can hear it.

Summer Schedule

Monday: (Prayer Meeting); Cook lunch at Chesalet with Karryn; Clean Farel
Tuesday: Study; Edit; Internet collection/night office
Wednesday: Clean Bellevue; (Lecture); Study (Movie Night -- this is not my job; it's just when movies are shown.)
Thursday: Day off
Friday: Breakfast prep; (Lecture); Edit; Study
Saturday: Cook at Bellevue; Clean Farel

I'm excited about my schedule. I'd love to be outside more, but hey, can't be everywhere at once. And it's light outside until well after 8pm, so plenty of time for outdoor fun. I'm happy to be in Bellevue, because I didn't get to do any work crews in Bellevue last term. I totally plan on stealing all Val's fantastic lunches when cooking in Bellevue (the ones I have the guts to pull off). I'm not sure exactly when my tutorials with Jasie will be. I'm guessing Tuesday.

Pictures

Wow, I've been posting like crazy lately (I also finally updated my other blog, Books I'm Reading; check it out)... feast or famine I suppose. Enjoy!

From the train: Lake Geneve




Mountains anyone?



Next time, pictures with people in them, I promise; even a few of me. :D

Getting Real

As some of you know, I've applied to stay on for next term. Just as before, writing my letter of application was a good processing exercise for me, and I want to share it with you. (I will find out next week if I am able to stay.)

___________________________________________________

In May and June of last summer my reasons for coming to L’Abri revolved around the values for which L’Abri stands, values such as integrated, holistic living: mind, body, and spirit journeying Homeward, that is, being more and more at home within one’s self, one’s community, even the whole of creation. I came here because I love learning: the growth, the discussion, the lightbulb moments of connection; and the environment in which our studies take place is idyllic, a shelter amid the Swiss Alps, a safe place to be and to become. It only took a few days for my purpose to shift slightly from merely intellectual to modestly personal: an intellectual and practical pursuit of the inner workings of my day-to-day Christian life. As it turns out, I needed to be here more than I realized. And the longer I am here, the more I am confronted by community, forced to deal with issues I had forgotten, issues I keep hidden beneath the surface of my soul. As Jasie encourages me to do more than merely talk about ontology and actually be myself – my whole self – I realize I am too much in the habit of ignoring things in my life that aren’t pretty to look at or nice to talk about; or at best, I gloss over them to candy-coat my memories, creating a sugar-coated story. And this is far from charity – it is neither charitable to me nor to those who love me.

So as I contemplate charity and what it means to live christianly praying, “Thy kingdom come,” I consider L’Abri: what it is and what it means to me. L’Abri is a safe place, though it is not safe for my pride nor the false images I’ve made of myself and presented to the world; it is not a safe place within which my insecurities can hide. For there are people here who have been living in community long enough to recognize a counterfeit self, and though my airbrushed self-portraits are of interest to the world, L’Abri, by which I mean the people who are L’Abri to me, is not interested. For the world sees people through utilitarian lenses, but the workers here, as well as some of the friends I’ve found, see through Love. Not perfectly, but even so, it is through our imperfections we learn forgiveness, grace, healing; we learn love. And this is what Christianity is about; this is what L’Abri is about: love as the demonstration of God’s actively redemptive existence in the world, namely the cross and resurrection of his Christ. This is what I want to be about. Or want to be better about. And L’Abri seems the best place to cultivate such charity (that is, learning to give of my whole self) for yet a little while longer. L’Abri is a safe place. Or rather, it is a trustworthy place. For within the hospitable charity which distinguishes L’Abri I am learning, however slowly, to entrust my needs and my insecurities to friends here, trusting that my real self will be nurtured – not kept safe from pain, but cared for – even as my graven images (images of self-god which replace with vulgarity the image-of-God-bearing self) are being pulled down. Christ claims to give abundant life and I desire to have the courage to live in that fullness with all its suffering and glory, because not to abide in the courage of Christ, to refuse to say ‘yes’ moment by moment (mundane as they often may be) to the call of a disciple, is to spit on the cross and scoff at the resurrection. I don’t want to be that kind of “Christian.” But I don’t have that kind of courage. Not without the courage of others, and even so I am feeble and fearful and want of freedom.

My interest in the possibility of a full-time position at Swiss L’Abri is also a factor in my desire to stay. In fact, it has been in my thoughts from the beginning; again, because I value so highly what takes place here. The work of pursuing Truth and providing Home is important to me and I enjoy being a part of it. I think about the possibility of remaining in the work for some extended period of time, and I don’t know if I can maintain the kind of life-in-flux that occurs here. I don’t know a lot of things. But that is yet another reality which L’Abri is helping me understand: that I don’t have to know how the next phase of my life, or even the next day is going to turn out. I hope that my presence within this community contributes to the work and the lives of people in positive, even unique ways. I hope to continue my work here, even if just for one more term, and to bring to maturity that which the Father has begun in me through you. How one attempts to say thank you for even such a beginning, well, I’m not sure it’s fully possible.

PICTURES!!

Party in our room! Yes, Jon is painting a gnome.



These are some pictures from Bern. Just a few hours by train to the German-speaking part of Switzerland. It's a great city.

Back in the Alps

I’m enjoying my life at L’Abri as a helper. It’s different from last term, of course, but in many ways, life here is the same – a thing in which I find great comfort. I miss all the study time I had as a student. I am very grateful for the two study afternoons I get (usually helpers only get one, but there are seven of us which allows us one more), and I sometimes study on my own in the evenings, but it’s important to me that there is a balance of work and play in my life, so I aim to be disciplined in both parts. Many of the things I began last term I am continuing in this term. I’m still focusing on the spiritual disciplines: narrowing, defining, tinkering, practicing. I’m still working on exegesis: this time, Romans! I’m still developing the relationships that became so precious to me, still enjoying the pace of L’Abri life, still feasting on formal lunches and lectures, Scrabble and chess. The mountains are still INCREDABLE; I never cease to look about myself in wonder. It hasn’t gotten horribly cold yet, but you know, it isn’t warm either. Uncertainty about the extent of my season here continues to plague me, sometimes with doubt and fear, but on better days with a compulsion to rest in the Lord’s sweet kindness, grace, faithfulness, and love. And on the days of fear and doubt, when the Alps look to me cold and insurmountable, I have trusted friends both here and away walking alongside of me, listening, comforting, talking sense into me… Indeed it is true; all good gifts come from the Father.

A look at my week-to-week routine: Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday mornings I get to work on editing Greg’s book on Revelation. I really enjoy this. Greg is always kind and treats Erin and I (who is editing with me) as valuable colleges as we meet together discussing various suggestions and comments each of us may have. Monday afternoons I work in Farel House (the chapel and library). It is a high-traffic area and needs quite a bit of attention, from cleaning the bathrooms and floors, to washing dishes, to reshelving books, watering plants, and sweeping the outside. Tuesday afternoon is a study period, during which Jasie and I meet for my tutorials, which are going well and continue to be an instrumental part of my time here. Wednesday afternoon I get to cook dinner at Malezes (on Wednesdays we split between two of the workers’ chalets, Malezes and Chesalet – think French thoughts to pronounce those names). Thursday is our day off. Friday morning I help make lunch again at Malezes and I have the afternoon to study – I just finished Providence & Prayer and am looking forward to diving into Romans. Saturday is my longest day: I get up early to help prepare for breakfast, then after breakfast I head down to Chesalet to help make lunch. Saturday afternoon is when it really gets long because I’m at Farel again, but Saturdays require more attention than Mondays because there is a lot to do to make it look pristine for chapel on Sunday. (Plus you know, it’s the end of the week and everyone is tired so people are sometimes less thoughtful about picking up after themselves than earlier in the week.) I always come in for dinner pretty wiped out, but it’s a good kind of exhaustion, the, ‘I feel really good about all I’ve accomplished’ kind. Hopefully that sense lasts. Finally after dinner I’m on night office, which means I’m responsible for answering the phone and greeting new-comers, helping them to their rooms, etc. (I will probably switch my night office from Saturday to Friday, but that’s not official yet.) Sunday is chapel and I’m responsible for preparing and serving tea and coffee. I get to chapel early and set up, then I do a quick sweep to make sure things look nice, and after the service I serve tea and coffee for a while. It’s a fun job because I get to meet the people who come from town.

As you can see, it’s a lot of work. But I’m settling into my role with relative ease and am enjoying it. If I didn’t mention something you’re wondering about, leave a comment and tell me what you’d like to know and I’ll be happy to oblige.

People You Should Know

These are some of the people at L'Abri with whom I will be working next term. They are all really wonderful and I'm excited about developing the relationships that began last term as well as starting new ones.

My good friend Valerie, whom you know from a previous post as the master of cream of spinach soup. She and Erin and I will be roommates. Val is super smart and super fun. She challenges me and keeps me in line; she encourages me and comforts me. I enjoy her friendship very much.

This is Jon, or "Jon-boy" as we [Kay] sometimes call[s] him. We have lots of fun together, especially reading, knitting, and watching Firefly with Jasie. (They knit; I read.) Jon and Val and I are partners in crime, ensuring that there's always a healthy amount of mischief about. :) I appreciate Jon in many ways, one of which being his work ethic and his unique ability to serve.

Rhett was on the same bus (and probably train come to think of it) I was on to L'Abri on day one. I remember seeing him and one other person my age and thinking, 'I bet they're both going to L'Abri too -- and sure enough. Rhett and Val and I often play chess and Scrabble together. He is fun to hang out with and talk to; he's pretty darn smart; everyone enjoys his sense of humor and his perspective on things.


Erin will be doing some editing with me as we work to prepare Greg's books for the publisher. She's super fun and very sweet and encouraging. I'm looking forward to rooming with her.

Tim, aka: Timmy Freedom (note the bandanna), is also strutting his stuff at the Really Ridiculously Good-Looking Walk-Off. Tim was a helper last term (with Val): the king of grounds crews and baked goods. (Several women proposed marriage in response to his chocolate desserts.) Tim is accepting of everyone -- really, everyone -- a quality for which I admire him.


This is John. I hope he doesn't mind my stealing this picture from his facebook. :) John was a student during a term prior to my term last fall and is returning this upcoming term as a helper. The workers are excited about him coming back, and word on the street is John is a wiz at media related work and will be doing some of that for L'Abri. I look forward to meeting him in person.


Last but not least and from left to right: Thomas, Jasie, and Kay. These brave souls work and live in Bellevue with the students. They're full-time staff at L'Abri, which means they work like crazy for little pay. Each of them cooks dinner at least once a week. Thomas and Jasie facilitate formal lunch discussions, give lectures, and have weekly tutorials with students. Jasie, as you know is my tutor and friend; I could go on and on about her. I could go on and on about each of them. Kay takes care of us all like Mom away from home. And Thomas is really passionate about, well lots of things -- he's very smart and has studied (and continues to study) much philosophy and theology and is able to relate those ideas well to students during lunches and lectures.
Now you'll know who I'm talking about in stories to come. I'll be there in 6 days, hooray!

Coming to a Close

Well, the term is ending in less than a week and I’m sad to be leaving. But, good news, I am coming back! I’ve been accepted as a helper, and as a bonus all my friends who applied to be helpers are also returning. Next term there will be an unprecedented seven helpers. Normally L’Abri hires four, but everyone who applied is basically wonderful and the workers are excited about getting to keep each of us on. I am looking forward to working alongside such great people. In fact, as a whole, I’m looking forward to next term, though I must admit, it feels a little surreal though I’m not sure why. I am also looking forward to coming home, being with family and friends, and going to church. Besides people, church is the thing I miss most while here at L’Abri. It will be more difficult next term than this one, because while four months is a long time to be missing church, eight months is longer (naturally) – you see, the once or twice I’ll get to go to church before returning to Switzerland is just going to be a tease. Of course you know we have chapel every Sunday, which I enjoy, but it isn’t the same. I miss singing, I miss age diversity and I miss baptisms and communion and oddly, I miss the messiness, the strange quirks and follies that make church home. Boy howdy, am I ready for some good old-fashioned church when I get home.

Jasie and I are still having wonderful tutorials, right down to the very end of it! This past week we discussed ways in which we desire to be more kingdom-minded and less self-absorbed, more countercultural and less socially permeated. We also talked about good getting in the way of best and the difficulties of walking the line between under achieving at too little a cost or because of fear and over achieving at too great a cost (namely relational), between selling oneself short and obsessing. No, we didn’t figure it out in the hour during my tutorial, but we are dedicated to seeing each other grow in Christ our Lord and I am blessed beyond measure by her guidance and her friendship as I am by many of you who are taking time to read these blogs week to week, who have been and continue to be so instrumental in my development as a disciple. The lovingkindness of the Lord and his bewildering blessings truly are endless.

Snow!

We had our first snow of the season this past weekend. There were snowball fights galore, a few snowpersons, snow angels, sledding… You know, all the usual snow activities. It’s supposed to be an especially cold winter this year, so it’s a good thing this Texas girl has a special affinity for coats and hats and scarves! So far I’ve been plenty warm.

With only a few weeks left in the term, I’m getting excited to see my family and friends back home. My cousin has a new baby I’m excited to meet. All the food here has be absolutely wonderful… not a single meal I don’t like. But I am looking forward to a nice big juicy stake when I get home; we don’t get meat here very often. I am sad to think that the term is close to its end but won’t be sad to leave unless I’m unable to return next term. I’ve made some precious friendships here, which some of you know is an answer to prayer, for I was nervous before I left about the loneliness that could have been.

Currently I’m finishing a book called, Slaves, Women, & Homosexuals: Exploring the Hermeneutics of Cultural Analysis by William Web and will soon be starting, Providence & Prayer: How Does God Work in the World? by Terrance Tiessen. They’re both rather heady and I’m enjoying them, but don’t think I have the mental energy to write about it yet. But I wanted you to know that I was still reading things in the realms of prayer and Bible study. I also started 2 Peter and am enjoying that too. You should also know that everyone here says the same thing you all did about the origin of evil: that not choosing Good is choosing evil by default, that it didn’t exist until first the angels, then we chose self over God.

Now & Later

This past week I spent much of my free time writing a letter to the L’Abri workers (full-time staff) about the possibility of my staying on next term as a helper. If I am accepted, I will stay for free, have one afternoon a week to study and work crews and work projects the rest of the week.

I want to share my letter with you, for it was a great exercise for me personally insomuch as it gave me insight into what is happening here now that I desire to continue for another term.

Enjoy.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Friends,

Life at L’Abri has become a thing most precious to me. I enjoy being a part of this community and would like to deepen my involvement, returning next term as a helper. It is satisfying to contribute to the daily livelihood of a community, to know that people are eating because of the bread I made or that the grounds are lovely because of the leaves I raked. But it is much more than this. We share the work and engage in each other’s lives as we labor alongside one another: people are enjoying the meal we made; L’Abri is beautiful because of the work we’ve done collectively. There is a love-induced pride in the work and the fellowship.

I believe in the work of L’Abri and desire to support and contribute to this place that provides a safe haven for people to discuss issues that in other Christian contexts are considered unmentionable, a shelter from the totalizing violence of various Christian subcultures and culture at large, and an alternative to western individualism within the joys and challenges of constant community. My benefit from this is twofold in that I am free to exist in the vulnerable-secure dichotomy of honesty, which in turn frees me to provide a sense of home for others. Already this term my fellow students honor me with regard as a leader and a shepherd, someone they trust, and I hope they also feel encouraged by my love for the work and the diligence and strong work ethic that derives from that love.

I would also like to continue my studies. I have so many varied interests and L’Abri is a great venue for entertaining a myriad of interests through formal lunches and study and tutorials. I really value my tutorial time and desire to continue working with Jasie through my issues and the spiritual disciplines and the current issues of the Christian subculture. I love the church. It hurts me to see it hurting so and I feel overwhelmed when I try to think about what to do. I view my time here as an opportunity to remove myself from the situation so as to see more clearly what’s happening now, where things are going, and what to do. My time here also serves as a stint of consideration for the next step in my personal life. The slower pace of life at L’Abri blesses me in many ways, significantly in the time it affords me to grow in my communal role of neighbor and friend and my individual role of person.

I understand being a helper is difficult. I don’t pretend that it will always be easy regardless of my experience. On the contrary, it is because of my experience that I know it is difficult at times. So I do not wish to communicate naive expectations, but I do earnestly enjoy being at L’Abri and desire to stay and more deeply develop what has begun – both in my personal life as well as in the relationships I have come to cherish.

Thank you for your encouragement throughout this process and throughout my journey as a whole.

Renea

Helicopter Seeds

I’m having a week where I’m feeling the pressure of not knowing what I want to do with my life (which I think is a feeling that may never really go away… it just keeps manifesting itself in different ways throughout life, so I’m getting used to it – “the journey is the destination,” blah, blah, blah…). As a result, I’ve also been stressing about silly decisions like what to write for this week’s blog. During yesterday’s prayer meeting, Jasie read from Foster’s Celebration of Discipline, in which he suggests the discipline of silence is useful in soul-searching/goal-setting. Valerie mentioned giving it a whirl briefly at dinner tonight and that got me thinking about it too.

Another blog dilemma I’ve been experiencing over the past few weeks is that the things I’m thinking about here are often so mentally taxing (which is good and I’m enjoying it) that I don’t have the energy to write, and I feel disappointed about that. But tonight, I’m taking the pressure off of myself to write a profound, thought-provoking blog and instead I want to write about one of my little delights here at L’Abri: helicopter seeds.

I have always had a special affinity for helicopter seeds. I still pick them up when I see them on the road just to watch them spin gracefully to the ground. I found one today as I was reading outside the Chapel, which is a special treat because I got to watch it spin down all the way from the second-story balcony. As I leaned over the rail and let the seed fall, I noticed that these helicopter seeds (I’m sure they have a real name…) always freefall first before the helicopter motion kicks in, which, as long as the blade is sound, it always does. It always does because that’s the way it is designed.

Thanks for journeying with me on this blogging saga. Tune in next Tuesday for more L’Abri fun so you all can live vicariously through me as I tromp through the fall leaves and play with helicopter seeds.

Ode To Death Hill

There is a very steep climb up the mountain behind where we live which we all affectionately call Death Hill. On Sunday evenings we often have an activity after dinner, and recently we had a talent show at which I gave this poem in loving dedication to the hill we hate.

"Ode To Death Hill"

Jill and Jack set out in black
Death Hill for to conquer.
Jill looked round, espied the mound
and felt her poor heart falter.

CHORUS:
Yet sublime they both did climb
and set their minds and faces
up the hill for death to kill
and wine to buy in cases!

Through the shade their path was laid;
the scene was bleak and dreary.
Rocks and roots beneath their boots
made Jill and Jack quite weary.

CHORUS

Before the top they both did stop,
to catch their breath and ponder;
to try to cope and not lose hope,
to keep the path, not wander.

CHORUS

To 'yond bend their hopes they pinned
that round it might come relief.
But steeper still rose the hill
and mocked their hearts belief.

CHORUS

Alas the light, clear and bright
their weak eyes and hearts received.
Jill and Jack threw off their black
and in life through death believed!

For sublime they both did climb
and set their minds and faces
up the hill for death to kill
and wine to buy in cases!

Sex & TV

I just finished reading Who’s Afraid of Postmodernism? The last chapter I had to read twice, and though I’m feeling better about it, I’m still sorting through some new stretches in my way of thinking, primarily, my own postmodern dilemma with my very modern, Cartesian equation of knowledge with certainty. That is to say, modern rationalism equates knowledge with certainty – Prove it! is the motto – and postmodernity has seen the crumbling of much of what we once thought certain, thereby deducing (rightly, I think, of course I can’t be certain) that certainty is unattainable, and therefore, knowledge is unattainable. The irony is that to deduce that knowledge is unattainable, that we can’t know anything, simply because we’ve had the chair of certainty pulled out from under us, is to still hold to a modern epistemology. It isn’t postmodern at all. It’s simply the natural (rational) conclusion of modernism, which is why I like Middleton and Walsh’s term for our current cultural climate, “hypermodernism.” Smith (Who’s Afraid) agrees with this assessment and urges us to become truly postmodern, to abandon “what is worst about modernism,” namely modern epistemology.

All the stretching of my mind was taxing, so today I decided I needed a break from the types of things I’ve been reading of late. (I’m also reading C.S. Lewis’s Letters To Malcom, which are reflections on prayer. It is not easy.) I could think of no better distractions from theology and philosophy than sex and TV, so I picked up a book called, Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity and another one called, The Gospel According to the Simpsons. Both are a nice change of pace.

"Intrusive Spiritual Discipline"

Hello again. Cheers for your comments and emails (I’m trying to be cool like my roommate from New Zealand: “cheers!”); I can’t tell you how much I enjoy them. Earlier I said I wanted spiritual discipline in my life that was “intrusive.” The first step Jasie and I have taken towards that adjective is inductive Bible study. This is not new to me, but it is helpful to be doing it with someone else. Working on a book of the Bible with another person helps me get out of my psycho all-or-nothing mentality: because I don’t expect Jasie to be perfect, it’s much less of a temptation to be so hard on myself. (Wow! Next week I promise not to write about my perfectionism. My other flaws are feeling left out.) One aspect of our study that is new to me is that Jasie and I are beginning by writing I Peter BY HAND. Yeah, that’s right; we’re writing it all out by hand… no computers, no photocopies, mere pen and parchment. In my previous experience I found inductive study easiest when the text was typed out like a normal letter (without chapters, verses, or headings) only double-spaced because then there’s plenty of room to circle words, draw symbols, and make arrows. However, I like writing things out by hand because it incorporates more of my senses and I learn it better thereby. Usually I mumble phrases under my breath before I write them, so I’m getting all my senses in but smell. J I chose I Peter for a change of pace because Jasie has done several of the Pauline epistles already. I shied away from Romans because it’s longer than most of the other epistles and a little bit more difficult too, though some of you know how obsessed with it I am sometimes, so who knows how long I’ll let it haunt me before I buck up and tackle it.

I want to give you a little more insight to my weekly schedule: Monday mornings we have a prayer meeting at 8:45 where we are able to pray for one another and for L’Abri. This is done on Mondays at each of the L’Abri satellites all over the world. Wednesday and Friday mornings we have lectures from the staff; so far, there’s a series on “Science and Theology,” “Re-narrating the Imagination,” and “Art (Film) and Theology.” Wednesday night is movie night. It costs two francs and usually the film is something I haven’t seen and is pretty interesting. Thursday is our day off. We have breakfast at nine, a packed lunch, and dinner at seven (all optional, but I always take advantage of each!). I usually go hiking, but this past Thursday I took a little day trip by myself to Sion, a small village in the valley about an hour and a half from here. It was lovely! Sunday we have breakfast at nine and chapel at eleven. Chapel is nice. It’s usually simple exegesis, which of course I love. Sometimes we’ll sing a hymn or two, but usually, it’s just an hour or so of exegesis – a whole hour! Every other week we look at II Corinthians and every other week at Luke. After chapel, we have the afternoon off (and a packed lunch available to us), and I usually… hike. But this weekend was the wine festival, which was tons of fun. I have some great pics of the vineyards we got to walk through, and one fine day (./’./’), I’ll have a chance to upload them for you to see! Sunday after dinner we usually, but not always, do some activity together. This past Sunday was the annual talent show. I wrote a poem about a hike we affectionately call “Death Hill.” It was well received; people seemed to like it and I had fun writing/reading it. (Again, when I’ve a chance to get pics on the web, I’ll post the poem with some photos of one of our hikes up Death Hill.)

And finally, I wanted to keep you all updated on the books I’m reading:
Who’s Afraid of Postmodernity? Taking Derrida, Lyotard, and Foucault to Church – James K. A. Smith
Eat This Book: The Art of Spiritual Reading – Eugene Peterson
The Benefit of Christ – Juan de Valdes & Don Benedetto

And for fun:
Watership Down – Richard Adams
Books I’ve just finished:
Faith’s Freedom – Luke T. Johnson
Living the Resurrection – Eugene Peterson (finished this one)

That’s the list so far, so get busy reading and try to keep up! ;)

The Origin of Evil

OK. The Big Question… The origin of evil? Who cares? For nearly the entire summer I had been loosing interest; the more I thought about it the less I cared to pursue it. Perhaps I’ll revisit it in some form during my studies, for if the question continues to knock on my door, what can I do but answer it (the door not the question)? Instead I’d like to take a crack at some philosophy and see if I like it as much as I think I do as well as focus on implementing a routine of more intrusive spiritual discipline in my life. I’m not sure entirely what I mean my “more intrusive”, but I think it has something to do with God being God and not me. I hope to accomplish several things during my stay here, but of course, “the journey IS the destination!” J The Lord in his great kindness is teaching me to really live out of this process-prospective instead of just saying it because it’s profound (and true).

Something I’ve always been interested in is breaking down the lies of our particular Christian subculture that are so dangerous to the beloved church. These deceptions that shape how we view reality derive (it seems to me, though I’m no expert) from years of merely, perhaps subconsciously absorbing secularist views of reality (that is to say, of the world in which we live, of human existence and experience, of God, who He is and how He works in/relates to the world and humanity…) into our own ways of thinking. So in essence, the lie is the same as that which comes from the world only more dangerous, for the Christian subculture uses biblical language (naturally), causing the distinctions between worldly thinking and Kingdom-mindedness to be quite blurry. OR, we are so horrified and afraid of the current cultural climate that we derive our norms and nuances merely from reactionary thinking. This happens mostly in so-called fundamentalist groups, but look closely and see if it doesn’t slip into “mainstream” Christianity in a more subtle form.

Give me an example, you say. Well, we translate the American dream into christianese and call it “prosperity gospel”. We build and run and advertise our churches like major corporations. Several more come to mind, perhaps some ideologies that are more subtle and hit closer to home, such as views on gender-roles, science, the workplace, the home, confusing agapē with being nice, confusing Christianity with being good citizen... Much of these skewed views within our subculture stem from platonic dualism. Wow, Plato! How long ago was that? So if Plato’s managed to sew himself so intricately into Christian thought for so long, it seems no one will be able to pull out the thread, but what is impossible for us is possible with God. One day the sweater we wear will unravel and we’ll be naked and free! (Vulnerable, but free; ridiculed, but free, Sunburned, but free!)

My mentor’s name is Jasie and I meet with her at five on Tuesdays (that’s 10am Dallas time). I’m excited about what will come from my relationship with her over the next several months.

More to come next week… I already have some thoughts cooking and I’m looking forward to getting everyone’s response.

Welcome to L’Abri!

I have been at L’Abri Fellowship for exactly a week and I am enjoying myself here. The first few days were hard. I don’t think that before now I’ve ever felt homesick in my life, but I’ve never really had the opportunity either; I’ve never been away so far for so long. I look out my window (or look anywhere) and see before me the beautiful Swiss Alps which are equally both wondrous and strange. They’re a constant reminder of where I am… and where I am not. For the first few days, these mountains were an ever-fixed symbol of the ghastly, insurmountable, unmovable unfamiliarity I must face and cannot avoid. (And even if I could avoid sight of them, there’s the constant clanging of the cowbells which serves as an incessant reminder too.) But I’m feeling more comfortable now and I expect things will continue in this direction.

I’m surprised by some of the dynamics of people here. I was expecting to encounter lots of new perspective, some perhaps even hostile towards Christianity. But, though there is a variety of perspective, each is mostly contained within Western Christian thought. However, leaning on the Holy Spirit for guidance about different persons’ actual, as opposed to proclaimed, relationship with God. I was excited about meeting people from all over the world, but most of the students here are American! I was also thinking a place like this would attract more men than women, but not this term. However, my fears of reliving the past several years of women’s dorm-life have not yet actualized.

One aspect I am especially enjoying is our routine. A typical day for me here at L’Abri consists of breakfast, which is promptly at eight, where we usually have cold milk and cereal and toast (no hotdogs yet!). There is coffee, tea, and hot milk available every morning. After breakfast, dish volunteers are asked for and everyone is preparing for his or her day. This is where it gets fun. At least for me because now that I’ve been up for over an hour, I’m awake and willing to smile and talk to people in actual words and sentences rather than grunts and grimaces. For the next three hours we are all busy either working or studying. Each student is assigned a household chore from laundry to yard-work, cooking, cleaning… The schedule is different each day, so the night before or sometimes after breakfast I look to see when my chore is (morning or afternoon) and what my chore is.

I enjoy chores in part no doubt because of the novelty of being at L’Abri, but also because it is done in community. Even if I am working by myself picking weeds or secluded in the basement doing laundry, I am never completely removed from the reality that others are working around the grounds too. And simply being a part of that dynamic, that is, a community working together, each member contributing to the good of the whole, is gratifying. It’s also neat to think we’re all (potentially) studying unto the same end, the good of the whole. I should add, it is gratifying to the soul only in Christ, when community includes and derives from relationship with Him. Having never really been too far outside of such Christ-centered communities – home, then DBU, now here – I’m not sure how to test such a statement, though I know it to be true regardless. However, I do know how out of joint my contributions have been in aforementioned bodies when I forgot the Head as the Source of Life in the body.

There are tea breaks both in the morning and afternoon (“More hot tea, please.” I really can’t get enough of it, delicious!), but I only go during work and not always then, only when I feel it won’t hinder my progress. Lunch is at one (sharp). We are divided into two groups, each group meets with one or two workers (full-time staff) often for the purpose of a “formal lunch”, though not always. During formal lunches the worker facilitates student-led discussion. Discussions might be about something a student is studying or it can be anything we’ve been wrestling with doctrinally, or philosophically, ect.

Dinner is at 6:30 and then we have the evenings free. We hang out and chat, play games, read “books we brought just for fun” (light reading). The Internet is available for 0.14 Swiss Francs per minute from 7pm-midnight and there’s always a line. For time’s sake they ask we not upload pictures to the computer here… So though I hope to post some pics, I’m not sure when I’ll have the chance. Here’s hoping.

I know you’re all dying to know about my “great question” and what I’m studying, but you’ll just have to wait a little longer. Though she/he has been assigned to me, I don’t know who my mentor is yet, and that dynamic will undoubtedly impact the direction of my studies. So that I can write about my studies more entirely, I will wait until my next opportunity to blog.

Some people have been asking for my address here, and in the spirit of giving and receiving, I am most happy to oblige and give out my address in order to receive gifts from you!

Labri Fellowship
Chalet Bellevue
1884 Huemoz
Switzerland

New Season

I just finished packing my bags (each of them way exactly 30 lbs -- I'd like to think I'm just that good of a packer!) I'm so used to being able to go to Walmart at my slightest whim that trying to pack and plan for four months has been a completely new experience.

Well, I'm on my way! It's official, though still surreal. I don't think it will be real in the sense that Labri is the reality that defines my current existence until I step through the door, am shown my room, and begin working on making the unfamiliar familiar, and soon afterwards, home for this season.

It's strange going into a commitment like this (I'm a slight commitment-aphobe anyway) knowing so little what to expect. But that's part of the adventure! (I keep telling myself.) And it's true. I am most fortunate to have friends and family to remind me of such and to support me, even in the face of pragmatic pressures to exist merely as a cog in the machine. So thank you. Thank you, each of you for all your love and support, your edification and joy.

Many more posts to come, so keep checking on it. And if I haven't written as quickly as I should have in between posts and you're wondering what I'm up to and how I'm doing... Ask. :)